How I Ended up Writing This Memoir


I wanted to be a novelist. Instead, here I am, writing another memoir. I’m calling it Aging and Staying in Charge of Your Life: A Memoir. The following passage from my work-in-process describes how it happened:

It’s breakfast time at The Mad Dog Café. Wayson sits across from me in the high-backed booth. His soft brown eyes study the platter of fried eggs, sausages, bacon and toast in front of him.

“Isn’t that a work of art?” he asks no one in particular.

I hadn’t noticed my own careful arrangement of tomatoes, two poached eggs and whole-wheat toast. Wayson is one of the most present people I know.

Wayson Choy, a well-known writer and one of my literary heroes, brings to life the Vancouver Chinese community of his youth. He creates a world for us to experience vicariously. That’s what I want to do: create a fictitious world of my own. I want to learn from Wayson.

Wayson has dropped into my life like some sort of guardian angel to help me with the novel I’ve been writing for the past three years, ever since I retired as a trauma therapist. I tell Wayson about all the courses and workshops I’ve been attending in my determination to learn the art of writing fiction.

Wayson has brought my previously published book, Confessions of a Trauma Therapist to our session. It’s well stickered with post-it-notes. He flips through it to show me his highlighting of passages he finds significant. He really likes the memoir I published in 2010. Confessions is my own story of child sexual abuse filtered through my more than 30 years as a psychotherapist. I wrote it to guide others in understanding this pervasive, secret crime against children and to offer victims assurance that they can heal and that they are not alone.

We eat our breakfasts and finally Wayson looks directly into my face. He leans toward me over the table, holding up his copy of Confessions of a Trauma Therapist. “Why on earth do you want to write fiction? Your own life is so much more interesting. You’re not a novelist,” he says.

What! I’m shocked. Two things happen inside me. A superficial, rational part wants to say, “What! After all these years I’ve been learning to write a novel?”

Another part suddenly relaxes. His words slide over me like a softly knit glove. I know he’s right. I write best when my fiction is telling my own story. I’m not really very good at creating characters that are different from me.

That’s how my second memoir, came into being. Wayson convinced me I needed to write about my own life. My own life? The life of an old retired yoga teacher and Focusing Oriented Psychotherapist? Yes, I finally realized: I need to share what I know about taking charge of our lives as we age. My whole cohort is living longer and healthier. We need new paradigms for living fully.

What about the title, Aging and Staying in Charge of Your Life, you might ask. When I started writing this memoir, I intended to tell you how, through changing my own behavior, I managed to settle into my marriage. I really expected to stay in that bungalow we bought together. Professionally, I know that the only person you can change is yourself. I hoped that, in changing myself, I could change the relationship. Alas, that did not happen.

I invite you, then, to follow my struggle and my joy as I shape my experience of being an older person in this age of change. This is the first of many blog posts. I hope you’ll follow each Friday as they appear.


  1. Judy Archer says:

    Dear Mary,
    I look forward to the continuing, changing story. This feels very right, very you.

  2. Victoria says:

    Mary, I’m so happy to be your friend and to witness the creation of your new memoir. I’m a fortunate woman. Love, Victoria

  3. Eva says:

    Dear Mary I really look forward to following your story. Wayson is right, you have so much to tell and your words and wisdom are a gentle guide for others . I thank you for your wisdom and courage.

  4. Janice Nicolle says:
    I’m a nonfiction reader and I am also aging.

  5. Jackie Ramsay (Nyman) says:

    You are the one who re-introduced me to myself. You helped me see myself and begin to listen to my body. Thank you for your caring and wisdom. So many can continue to benefit from you sharing your life experience through your writing.
    Bless You.

  6. Glenith says:

    Mary, it is definitely a time of continued adventure and sharing your heart with us. I look forward to reading the next chapters…

  7. I am so moved by the encouragement all of you offer. Your support tells me how important it is to write about staying in charge of our lives as we age. These days, my life is full of surprises. And do you know what? This may end up being the best time of my life!

  8. Sally Tripp says:

    Dear Mary
    I think I have missed a chapter or two in your life
    Please keep strong

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