Response to In The Silence Nothing Changes

SPIRITUAL JOURNEY OF A LIGHTWORKER blog post by Patricia Singleton

Child Abuse, Incest, Domestic Violence – In The Silence Nothing Changes

Posted: 09 Sep 2013 06:00 AM PDT

Child abuse, incest, and domestic violence have always been around. People have just now started breaking their silence and talking about it so it seems that it is every where. It is and it always has been. That is why so many of us are so vocal about child abuse and domestic violence. In the silence, nothing changes. Awareness creates change.

This is why so many survivors like me are writing about and speaking about their childhood experiences. Women survivors have been speaking out for a few years now. Finally men have joined the movement forward to a time where every child will be safe from all forms of abuse. That is why I am now writing my memoir about my childhood and efforts to heal from incest. As survivors, we give each other hope and dreams of a world different than the one we grew up in. Join me in this march forward to a better world.



This message above from Patricia Singleton encourages all of us to be more open about our woundedness. Patricia has a long track record of helping others with her blog posts. She is obviously a woman who has done her own work and is now ready to publish her story in book form. Congratulations, Patricia. We’ll look forward to your book.

That’s right for Patricia, as she has known her story for a long time and has done her healing work. What I’d like to add is this: If you are still raw and hurting about your own abuse history, if you’re still discovering new awful stuff, be very careful how open you are with telling. Here are some things I know about telling.

– telling the wrong person can set you back in your healing. You can get badly hurt.

– family members are the hardest to tell, as you’re talking about their family too. Even if the perpetrator wasn’t a family member of friend, it happened while you were a vulnerable child in their family.

– since one in four women and one in six men was sexually abused in childhood, the person you choose to tell may be a victim too. If they haven’t dealt with their history, are still in denial or have dissociated the traumatic memories, they may not give you the support you’re looking for.

– there’s a danger that your courageous disclosure will be met with, “Are you sure?!” “Oh, that can’t be!” When you’re struggling to accept fresh memories yourself, such incredulity sets you back in your healing. You’re no doubt plagued by doubts yourself, even though you know it to be true.

So be careful how you tell your story and whom you choose to tell.

In my own life, I first told my husband, our son and a few close friends whom I knew would understand. My memories surfaced when I was nearly 50, a typical age for this to happen. I didn’t publish my book, Confessions of a Trauma Therapist: A Memory of Healing and Transformation until I was in my 70’s. In my book I tell about the painful experience of telling my sister and my mother. I wrote it to guide others in their healing and to caution them about the pitfalls.

Finally, I want to say that the most important person to tell is YOU. A therapist who’s skilled and experienced in dealing with child sexual abuse can be a great help. As for me, the first therapist I went to, didn’t really believe in sexual abuse. Make sure you find a therapist who will make a safe place for you to discover your own past, without being too directive.

I wish you strength, courage and finally peace of mind in your healing journey.


One comment

  1. Mary, yes, I tell other survivors the same thing. Thank you so much for connecting to my blog post and sharing your wisdom on this topic. I also wrote a post recently telling abuse survivors to be careful that they get a therapist who is trained in trauma therapy. Not every therapist is trained to help us. Thank you.

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